Limbo (still and forever)

I feel Squished.

Why hello blog world. I have been in hibernation, sleeping away, dreaming of this world. Now I am awake. I am not sure how to proceed. I want to write, but it all seems hazy like when you fist wake and can't focus. I blink and rub my eyes but am just not quite ready to join this world. But try as I may to close my eyes and go back to dreaming, I must wake up.

I have two lives that are separated by one choice. A choice I cannot make. I get to only stand by and observe. Try as I may to be an impartial observer I step in it some times. I get frustrated with the lack of choice, the slow passage of time, and my inability to do anything about it. So driven by this frustration I speak out, more often than not I say the wrong things. I am here in this, and I need to be patient and loving. But sometimes it is easier to pull away, to walk away and just remove myself. But after my conversation with Her last night, (which I feel like I stepped in it again) I realize that I must see this through. She is in a lonely and vulnerable place. She is scared. She has so few people to turn to.

It hurts, but I am not important in this. I am merely an player on the sideline ready to take her place if she decides to sit this game out.

So often we only see half of the game. We focus on our little part getting wrapped up in our emotions that we neglect to see the other players and acknowledged their parts, their emotions.

Others exist in our world. It is theirs too after all. No need to be selfish.

I am starting to think that is what God wants me to take from this. I need to not let my personal wants and beliefs get in the way of helping Her.